Wednesday, 22 March 2017

Why Our World Is Not Going To Shit

I woke up this morning to the news of another terror attack in London, and all over social media people are pouring their hearts out about it. As more and more of these incidents occur, it is easy - even for Lightworkers of the highest faith - to slip into fear that our work isn't WORKING, that the world is going downhill anyway, and that we are inevitably heading towards another extinction. I mean, we live in a world where a man like Donald Trump is leading one of the most powerful countries on Earth!!! Surely that right there is evidence that we have gone off track. The world is going to shit and our futile efforts to shine some light into the darkness aren't working.

Well, I'm here to offer an alternative perspective that may be controversial. But hear me out.

Guess what happens when there is a terror attack? The world wakes up a little more. People all over the Earth have a little bit more of a heart opening. They FEEL for the people affected. Their empathy increases. Some get angry. This is also good. It is an empowering kind of anger. The kind that makes the small people stand up and say NO! I am NOT powerless, and this is NOT OK with me! The emotions that we all feel UNITE us.

And what about the victims who die through these attacks? I genuinely believe that when they cross over and go Home (to the spirit world) - it is high fives and fist bumps all round. There is huge CELEBRATION because those souls did what they came here to DO. Their participation in these events was SCRIPTED. By THEM! They will be partying it up over there and watching in awe as the effects of these events ripple over the whole Earth.

And here's the real controversial part. What about the attackers themselves?? How is there ANYTHING good about what they do? Well, for them, it's all about the cleansing. Any of you who have been on the spiritual path for a while will know that there is a LOT of inner healing to be done, and it gets messy. Have you noticed that often throughout the healing process, old situations that hurt you will re-create themselves so you can heal them and deal with them in a new way?? The Earth and the collective of humanity are ALSO experiencing this healing and cleansing. And just think about how much violence has happened in the history of this world. That is a whole lot of messy healing and cleansing to do right there! Also, the energy of the Earth has been so imbalanced because there has been a very dominant MASCULINE energy. And - apologies to the guys but I have experienced this to be true again and again - have you ever met a guy who used to be an asshole but woke up and spiritually evolved? What happened to his asshole-ness? Have you been around him while he's clearing and healing it? Yeah, he becomes a MASSIVE ASSHOLE all over again! Because his asshole-ness is COMING OUT. Every guy I've known on this path has gone through stages of being the most heavy, negative, angry, horrible person to be around while they are clearing. When I've been healing masculine aspects of myself I've done the same thing! And the collective is going through this. So asshole-ness and violence and hate and racism is abounding. Because our history is absolutely CHOCKA with it! Trust me when I say it's a good thing, although it's an unpleasant process to experience and witness.

When I went through a spiritual crisis in 2014 I had a moment when I 'broke through the clouds' into a higher dimension and immediately started laughing (despite being in horrific fear a moment before) because I realized how PERFECT everything was. I realized that everything was LOVE. I know what you're thinking - "Oh, yeah, that old cliche." That statement is bandied about a lot. But to really FEEL it and KNOW it...? WOW. That was something else. And when I say EVERYTHING IS LOVE, I mean EVERYTHING. I mean fear, hate, murder, violence, racism, the LOT. EVERYTHING IS LOVE.

When I said this to my parents at the time they looked at me like I had lost it (and quickly called in a psychiatrist who referred me to a mental ward - Yay for being awake on Earth!). But I UNDERSTOOD EVERYTHING. Love is the basis of EVERYTHING. It's just that there are LEVELS of it. And EVERYTHING on Earth is LOVE, returning to it's HIGHEST and PUREST form. And in order for that to happen, EVERY SINGLE possibility of LOVE, MUST be played out. So every single crazy scenario that you can possibly think of MUST be played out in order for this process to complete and for us ALL to realize that we are love, and we are one.

While I was going through my crisis I kept getting told, "The worse it gets, the better it gets." Because I was caught up in so much fear and guilt about all these 'bad' things that had happened to me, or that I'd done, my perception of it was all backwards. It took me ages to realize that the worse things got, the more that meant that we were on our way to returning to our true natures. As individuals AND the collective. How many of you have had to hit absolute rock bottom in order to build yourself and your life back up?? And how many of you became healed when you realized that the darkness was not your enemy, but in fact YOU in different forms? How many of you had your lives changed when you learnt to love, forgive and OWN your darkness? Do you not see that this is happening worldwide?

Another interesting - and kind of hilarious - thing that happened to me during my crisis was that I became absolutely CONVINCED that everyone around me was acting. When I broke through the clouds in that giant moment of epiphany (which, as I've mentioned in a previous post, was the moment I felt my guides and team begin cheering) - I was absolutely SURE that everyone around me was about to drop the act and throw confetti over me and shout, "YOU DID IT!!!!!!". I was in the hospital waiting room with my Dad when that happened and I told him we needed to go outside because I was totally sure my mum was about to drive up to the hospital and get out of the car and give me a huge hug and say, "YOU DID IT! I'M SO PROUD OF YOU!!!" and we would laugh and laugh and laugh together about this big Truman Show world we'd been living in that I'd fully believed for 26 years. I kept looking at my Dad and laughing and saying, "Stop it! Stop tricking me now, I know what's going on!" - I thought he was just carrying on the joke until Mum got there. We went outside but she didn't show up. And Dad kept 'acting' like Dad. And then the psychiatrist called us in and I blabbed on and on about how great I felt and about how everything was LOVE, and it took her about one minute flat to diagnose me with bi-polar disorder. And I felt myself being sucked into this false reality again, where these people believed I was crazy even though I was the most sane I'd been in my whole life, and I didn't care! I just thought it was funny! My soul was just like, "Haha let's just go along with it and see how messed up and interesting this can get." Because everything stopped feeling awful and scary and started feeling like an ADVENTURE. Because NONE OF IT WAS REAL. I was in a virtual reality video game! Why not make it fun!?

The feeling that everyone around me was acting persisted for DAYS. The most surreal and strange days of my life. The feeling of excitement gradually faded into confusion and even upset because I didn't understand why everyone around me was CONTINUING to put on an act with me, even though I knew that they knew what was really going on. But they kept playing those roles - Mum, Dad, Doctor, Nurse, Patients.... they were all acting and I just wanted them to stop it! I was getting more and more confused and I just wanted someone to tell me what was going on. I could FEEL my guides talking to me through the hospital staff. The things they said to me were not normal things for doctors and nurses to say! There were so many strange things that happened that cannot be explained. Because I was fully tapped into a higher reality. I was seeing the HIGHER SELVES of all the people around me, including and especially my family, and it was SO OBVIOUS that the whole world we were living in was just a soap opera with everyone playing characters.

After a couple of days I became convinced that they were waiting until my sister got there - she had been travelling overseas in the US when I got admitted to hospital and came back as soon as she heard the news. I could FEEL HER on the plane, on the way, and I thought she didn't want to miss out on the big reveal so everyone was waiting for her. I then had a hilarious revelation that she hadn't even been travelling!!! It had all been an act too. I remembered seeing an article on Facebook about a girl who had locked herself in her apartment for two months and faked a round-the-world trip by photo-shopping herself into photos of international destinations and posting it all on social media. She did it to prove that it could be done. And I laughed when I realized my sister must have done that too. THAT is how strong the sense of illusion was! Nothing was real, it was all an act. When my sister finally arrived I burst into tears because I was so sure that everything would be revealed now, that everyone would drop the act and tell me what was going on. It was like I was at the epicenter of a giant prank that everyone else was in on but they were stalling on the reveal. But as soon as she walked into the room I could feel by her energy that she was just HER. She knew nothing. And I was totally alone in my knowing that we were all living in a dream.

I tell you about this because this is the concept that I apply to life now, and more specifically to the horrific events that are happening around the world on a daily basis. IT'S NOT REAL. It's just a soap opera that all these souls are JOYFULLY participating in! Trust me when I say that when I broke through to this level of understanding, everything terrible that had happened to me throughout this life and others suddenly was a GOOD thing. It was all perfect and beautiful and a wild and crazy adventure. There was NOTHING bad about any of it. And that is the same for everyone living here. So many are so deeply asleep that they have no idea who they really are and what's really going on... but as soon as they pass over, they will remember. And they will laugh and laugh just like I did.

My husband enjoys watching the news and usually has it on now when I'm cooking dinner. Which bothered me initially because I don't agree with the news or the way it's portrayed and I know so much of it is sensationalist bullshit or distraction from what's really going on in the world. But he feels passionately about watching it so I've had to find my way of being ok with it. As an empathic child I used to find the news horrifying and overwhelming - I was too easily able to put myself in the shoes of those suffering and feel their pain and fear. I couldn't watch horror or violent movies or read any kind of intensely emotional books for the same reason. I attached myself to the suffering, believing it all to be things going horribly wrong. But now I know better. And every time I see or hear something on the news that on the surface appears to be a tragic event, I send congratulations and celebration to all the souls participating in it because I know what's really going on. And I feel awe at how brave they are to have chosen those events to experience. I salute them and spiritually clap them on the back. They are fucking WARRIORS of light and total badasses!

Now when I watch the news I see it for the soap opera it really is, and it doesn't upset me anymore. I can watch or read whatever I want now, because I see the beauty and perfection in all of it. Don't you remember why you came here? Do you remember excitedly putting your hand up and volunteering to participate in this giant game of "Remember who you are"? I remember. I saw that image again and again during my crisis - me standing in a crowd of people and bouncing on my feet with my hand in the air saying, "I'll do it!!! Pick me, pick me!!!" with a huge ecstatic smile on my face. YOU CHOSE THIS. You CHOSE to act out a role in this giant playful plan. You CHOSE to be one little flame of love REMEMBERING that it was love, and returning to its highest purest form.

Don't you remember? Stop worrying about what's happening in the world and just let it play itself out. It's not going to go wrong, it can't possibly go wrong. There IS no 'wrong'. Everything is just LOVE, experiencing itself. It's all just a game. Stop taking it all so seriously and play with it more. It can be hard and scary or it can be flowing and fun - it's all up to you.

Friday, 3 March 2017

I'm Not Giving Up On You

Hi Friends - remember how in my last post I said that the 5D energy feels like a golden river of goodness? Well right now it feels like we're going over the top of a big ass WATERFALL. So if you're feeling as though you're kind of in free-fall in your life right now, that's probably a good sign that you're on the right track.

What does this mean? It means that things that weren't possible before are suddenly possible. It means that things that have been permanent up until now, no longer are. Issues within your being that have stubbornly clung to you despite cycling round and round in deeper layers of healing... suddenly they are going to start shifting for REAL. For me it feels like old fears and issues that have been so much a part of me that it's felt like they will just always be there... somehow all of a sudden there is the possibility opening up before me of a world in which they don't exist. Which is INCREDIBLE.

I have a variety of fears that have had this kind of permanence - probably because they are from other lives and I am carrying them in my very DNA and the cells of my body. My fear of sharks and deep water I believe comes from memories of being shipwrecked in another life - I have had NO negative experiences relating to this in THIS life, but as soon as I am in the ocean I am constantly thinking about it. If I find myself in deep water with my legs dangling down, I panic. If I don't know exactly what's underneath me in the sea, I immediately hyperventilate. It sucks because I LOVE the ocean, and swimming in it heals and cleanses me in a way that nothing else can - but the fear is always on my mind. I literally jump at my own shadow when I'm in the sea. And although I've been triggered into this fear so many times - cue panic attack while swimming through 'shark alley' in New Plymouth, and another one in the Whangamata estuary where I managed to clamber up on a rock in the middle of the river only to then get stuck there (face palm) - I don't really seem to be healing or releasing it. Every time I approach the ocean I ask my angels and Mother Earth to help me to have a safe and enjoyable swim, and when I start getting scared I repeat "I am safe" again and again. This helps a little bit, but I inevitably end up jumping out of the water after five minutes because I cannot control my fearful thoughts any longer and I don't want to attract what I'm thinking about! I also do this at night sometimes when I am home alone - suddenly I cannot think about anything but ghosts and things that go bump in the night. I get SOOOO jumpy and if I look in the mirror I am partly convinced there is going to be someone standing behind me. Apparently I had a past life as a priest assisting with exorcisms and just saw WAY too much crazy stuff. These and other issues relating to sex and socializing have plagued me for as long as I can remember.


This shift started last week around the time of the solar eclipse when I suddenly felt this power and determination enter me that hadn't been there before. For SO long I've felt as though I am on the cusp of completion of this journey, but I've been kind of in limbo. I haven't known how to get over this hump, out of this rut, and actually FINISH the damn thing! I've been continuing to heal and release issues within myself day after day, but it's kind of felt like I am going round in round in circles - making awesome progress and having big breakthroughs, but not really moving forward. But suddenly last week I had this force in me that had a very strong message for those remaining unhealed parts of me;

Because my life has become so awesome and I have settled into a happiness and inner peace and state of health and wellbeing that is better than I have ever had before. I know, understand and accept myself in a way I never have before. I am living in my favourite home of all time in the most beautiful town, and I am happily married to a wonderful man. I am somewhat financially abundant and able to live the lifestyle I want, I am slim again and feel beautiful most of the time.... life is GOOD.

But I did not come here for GOOD.

WE did not come here for GOOD.

It would be SO easy to settle for what I have now because in terms of a human life, it is pretty fucking GREAT! I am very blessed and grateful for what I have. And I am not in any way falling into a 'grass is greener' mindset. It's just that I know that I'm not THERE yet. I'm stalling my own journey, and parts of me are clinging onto these remaining issues, because what comes after they are gone is TOTALLY new and unknown. It is entering territory I have never been in, in ANY of my lives on Earth. And although I KNOW that it's going to be AMAZING, it is still scary to take that leap and go there because that kind of health, happiness, personal power, abundance and capability is totally outside my comfort zone.

But we did not come here to be peaceful and contented. We came here to THRIVE. We came here to be outrageously happy, healthy and abundant. We came here to birth a NEW reality, and NEW POSSIBILITY of life here on Earth. And I am finally beginning to break through that threshold of resistance and fear into that new place.

That fresh strength and determination in me won't settle for GOOD ENOUGH. When I feel an old issue arising, she says, "I LOVE YOU. I AM NOT GIVING UP ON YOU. WE'RE GOING ALL THE WAY WITH THIS."

And in my heart I can FEEL this new reality. Where I can jump into the deep ocean with nothing but joy in my heart. Where I can interact with spirits with total peace and confidence. Where I can be around people with a completely open heart. A reality where all the things that are hard now, are naturally EASY. Where money flows to me effortlessly. Where my body stops aging because 'that's what it's supposed to do' and starts THRIVING. Where there IS no fear or worry, no disease or imbalance. It's all becoming possible and available. And that is so exciting.

I read recently that in March 2017 (now) the process of separating the frequencies on Earth will begin. What this means is that instead of us jumping back and forth all the time between 3D and 5D, the more that we align with 5D, the less that 3D will be available to us. It will start dropping away entirely. This is said to take about 18 months to complete. We will still be coexisting side by side with people who are fully entrenched in the 3D reality, but we will be existing in a totally different dimension than they are. Which is AWESOME. Because it means that we won't be getting pulled down again by other people. We will be able to remain light and happy even when other people's worlds are falling apart - which is actually the greatest way that we can help and serve them too. It's much better for us to be a guiding light for them, and proof that it DOES get better, than it is for us to take on their stuff and go down into the darkness with them. We will be keeping the pathways of higher consciousness open for these people.

Maybe this is what I am feeling. Maybe I'm tipping off the level of 3D and falling down that waterfall into a place where only 5D (and above) exists. What I DO know is that it feels really good, and also scary. I've said many times that this journey is an endless series of leaps of faith, and this is just another one. Because although I've been working my fucking ASS off the past few years to get to this place, and have been SO excited about it - it also scares the shit outta me!

This could be related to fears surrounding Atlantis. During my spiritual crisis I had a lot of memories of Atlantis come up, and I know that I played a part in the destruction of that beautiful place. The GUILT of that almost killed me. I have never felt emotion like it. It was crippling, and I have done so much (ongoing) work on knowing that I deserve to be happy now. It seems that I was giving myself my own karma and had subjected myself to an eternity of 'repaying my debt' by giving and healing constantly. I hadn't forgiven myself. But I'm getting there. It helped when I remembered that I ALSO had a life in Lemuria at the time of the destruction, and I experienced having my world torn apart and losing everyone I loved. That was my karma. I didn't need to punish myself anymore. But whether you were directly part of it like me or not, if you were there you hold memories of that time in your DNA. And we reached THIS level of consciousness in Atlantis, only to have everything go very wrong. We are apparently at the same level now, and so many people are having fears come up - parts of us that are saying it's not a good idea to continue.

If this applies to you, let me put your mind at rest, because although we are at the same level of consciousness now as in Atlantis - it is VERY different this time. In Atlantis we were very much ensconced in MASCULINE energy which is all about growing and evolving and reaching for more power and wisdom. THIS time we are balanced in our masculine and feminine. And the FEMININE energy is so joyful, nurturing, heart centered and grounded that we could never possibly go down that same track again. This is all stuff I saw during my crisis and I believe it's one of the reasons why I am a female in THIS all important life (I was male in Atlantis). It has also been decreed that a destruction on that level will NOT be allowed to happen again, and that the ascension of Earth WILL be successful this time. So there is nothing to worry about, we are safe to go ahead.

Another reason some of us may be feeling fear and resistance to this shift is that we have become so accustomed to spending all day every day HEALING OURSELVES ... if we don't have that to do anymore, what will we do?? I know there are parts of me that totally shy away from the seeming EMPTINESS that looms before me if I don't have myself to heal anymore. I am literally doing it from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep - and healing and processing during my dream-time too! It is my WHOLE life and the purpose of my existence right now... what the fuck will I do with my days when it's done?? Will I have to start living like a normal person again?! (fuck that lol). It actually makes me feel extremely anxious when I think about just being HAPPY and not having anything in myself to work on - how funny is that? But today my team are saying to me - move forward into the emptiness. The emptiness is a good thing. It's not a sign you should be DOING MORE. It's a sign that you've reached an incredible level of BEING. So that has given me a lot of peace and relief - because the old programming in me kept thinking SHIT it must be time to put my introvert cloak away and rejoin society! But if that is going to happen in the future it will be because I WANT it and feel HAPPY about it - not because I am desperately trying to fill the void that my 3D density has left behind. That void is there to make room for more of ME, not more of LIFE.

It's a very exciting time. I know many of you have had a very challenging few years. And I want you to know that things really are going to get better. Things that have seemed impossible to shift are going to shift. Things that have made your life miserable, made your body sick, made existing a hardship - they are going to disappear. JUST KEEP MOVING FORWARD.

You can do this. Don't give up now, because you have worked so incredibly hard for this and you DESERVE it. You deserve to go all the way, to reap your rewards, to collect your harvest, and to live a life that inspires other people to know that Earth can be an amazing place to inhabit.

Let me tell you what happens when you move forward. Capabilities that you never knew existed will come online. I got a vision of this the other day that was like inside my heart was a HUGE cavern of golden sparkly wisdom and ability. It was so immense that I almost felt overwhelmed when I looked at it. And it is BURSTING to get out. I'm barely containing it right now - it's straining at the seams. One thing that I KNOW my near future holds is having children, and up until recently I did not know how I was going to handle it. The past few years I've been so deeply involved in my own processing that I've had basically no room for anyone else. I've become quickly drained by people, I've needed SO MUCH sleep and alone time, and being able to be a good mother to even ONE child has seemed like an impossibility - and yet my heart is telling me I'll have THREE. FUUUUUCCCKKK. But lately I've realized that it's not going to be ME (present me) doing the mothering. By the time that happens I will be embodying so much more of the entirety of who I am, and that those issues simply won't be there. Oh I'm not saying it's going to be easy, but I will THRIVE off the challenges I face; they will empower me and I will be more than capable of dealing with whatever gets thrown my way. I KNOW THIS. I feel it. And it's such a comforting and exciting thought. I can see myself giving birth to (excuse my pun) a totally NEW way of mothering, and maybe even writing books about it. It's all there in my future, and the bridge between HERE and THERE is definitely building itself!

So if there is something that your heart and soul DREAM OF that seems like it's totally out of reach and just not reasonable for your life and capabilities, DON'T GIVE UP on yourself just yet. There is so much more to you than you know. You are so much more powerful than you have been lead to believe. And although you've probably heard that before a hundred times now, soon you're going to start FEELING IT. You're going to start EXPERIENCING IT. And you're going to use that power for great things in your life and in this world.

There is SO MUCH to look forward to, and so much hope for the future. I know you're probably tired and weary, maybe even jaded with this whole process. DON'T GIVE UP.


Let's DO IT!!!